I AM STILL A PAINTER
About five years ago, I made a choice, a choice to be a teacher.
It was the spring of 2007. I had been painting and exhibiting in Philly for about a decade. Even though I had sold paintings, I worried about the future. During those ten years, I learned how difficult it would be for me to earn any kind of living from my artwork. I finally understood why my Dad never wanted me to study art. He wanted me to be financially stable. Despite his wise advice, which I totally dismissed as a young adult, I chose to be a painter. How did I make this choice? I declared “Painting” as my major in college. It seemed rather simple back then, but I was far from being any kind of artist. I was a student and I knew nothing. It would be years before I could comfortably introduce myself to new people as a painter.
Anyway, in the fall of 2007, I took a class, The History of Art Education, at Temple University with Dr. Jo-Anna Moore. I loved the class. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed being in a learning environment. My new professor came in the form of a soft-spoken grandmother, a persona that hid her startling intelligence. My new classmates were bright and inspiring as well, so I applied to Temple to pursue a Masters in Art Education.
For three years, I told myself that I was no longer an artist. I was making a new choice, a choice to earn a decent living from something else that I love, sharing my passion for art with students. I was on a new path. I wrapped up my studio and converted it into an office. I made artwork during the summer and in the studio classes I took at Tyler, but for the most part, my focus was elsewhere.
However, once the bulk of my class work was complete, I set up my studio again. I still had a master’s paper to write, but time was again on my side.
Before I graduated, I had an exit portfolio review. I showed pieces made during my time in graduate school. Even though I barely had time to make art, the room was full. Years prior, I thought I had to give up being an artist to be a teacher. As I looked around, I realized just how important artmaking is to me. Even when I had no time, I found time. One of my professors asked where I saw my work going. I held up my newest painting, one that I had just made in my recently converted studio/office space. I said, “This is a painting I made with only a palette knife, no brush. This is a new approach for me and I think I love it.” The painting I was referring to is Phillyscape. I added, “I want to make more like this one.”
And that is exactly what I have done. I made a dozen more in this new style and without realizing it, I was back to being a painter.
Yesterday, I revised my list of artworks. It is a list that includes 16 years of making art (1997-2013) after completing my BFA. The last entry is numbered 140. Looking over the list, I made a realization. My work did not get really good, according to my standards, until the year 2008. This means I spent about 11 years making mostly crap. It wasn’t crap to me when I made it, but now that I am older, I see much of my early work as practice. I was trying to be good, but I wasn’t good.
To truly understand what I am talking about, I will leave you with the best quote about being an artist, thanks to Ira Glass. Every working artist out there can sympathize.
January 27th, 2013
K. Cicalese
